The Evolution of Thanksgiving
through the stomach of my middle brother
Age 3
Yay! Fudge!
Age 4
Yay! Fudge!
Age 5
Yay! Fudge!
Vomits profusely on the way home from eating an entire pan of fudge.
Ages 6-18
Eats only dark meat turkey, brown and serve rolls and fudge.
Demands my parents go through McDonald's drive-thru
Ages 6-18
Orders a plain hamburger, small fries and chocolate shake at approximately 6:45 pm on Thanksgiving night. Smugly wolfs it down while complaining there was nothing good to eat all day.
Ages 18-25
Barely eats turkey, rolls and fudge due to being so hungover we might have to pull over so he can puke his brains out.
By 3pm he smells like a brewery due to sweating out last night's 12-pack.
My mother condemns him to the basement.
Asks my parents for McDonald's.
Age 26
Realizes he likes and appreciates food and begins to eat real cuisine. Like salad. And vegetables. Prepares Thanksgiving dinner for others. Starts brining turkey. WTH.
Age 26-present day
Complete and total foodie. Has a chef's kitchen. Has onion cutting glasses for God's sake. Detests McDonald's. Now has a son who only eats dark meat turkey, brown and serve rolls and fudge.
Will be going through McDonald's drive thru on Thursday evening.
Teacher by trade. Mom. Wife. Flunked Girl Scouts.